Book Chat Issue #109
Life and death and everything in between
Welcome to Book Chat, a newsletter for readers and eaters.
If you’re new around here, you might like to know we have an international book club. It’s free for subscribers and our next meeting is happening at the end of next week. (Thursday afternoon in the USA and Canada, and Friday morning in Australia and New Zealand).
We will be discussing The God of the Woods by Liz Moore, so if you’ve read the book and would like to come, just hit reply and I’ll send you an invitation to our online meeting. If you’ve never been part of a book club and like the idea of chatting about books, please come along. We are a friendly group and would love to meet you.
This issue features the final instalment of “My Reading Life” where I talk about important moments in my personal life and the books I was reading. I hope this series has encouraged you to reflect on your own reading journey.
Previous episodes can be found here:
Part one | Part two | Part three | Part four | Part five |
Part six | Part seven | Part eight | Part nine
My reading life - part 10
In January 2016 I turned 60. We had a lovely dinner with friends and family, but when I look back at the photos I realise I had no inkling of how much my life would change over the next few years.
About two weeks after my birthday, my mother-in-law Val passed away very suddenly, and then a few months later my mother Nola had a stroke and died very suddenly, so when my son married his long-time girlfriend in October 2016, we were thrilled, but also sad that both our mothers weren’t there to witness their marriage. It was a bittersweet occasion.
Little did we know that we were about to embark on our own version of the movie Four Weddings and Funeral, although in our case it was a case of five funerals and a wedding. Over the next couple of years we witnessed the passing of my father-in-law, my stepfather, and lovely Bill, Val’s long-time companion. We became adept at organising funerals and I acquired a small collection of black dresses.
In a final crushing blow, my sister-in-law, who had long suffered with poor mental health, took her own life. We felt this loss deeply because we wondered if there was something else we should have done, or said.
It was a difficult time, but the upside was that it finally dawned on me that I wouldn’t live forever and I began to think about making the most of my one precious life. Up until then, I’d kind of sailed along thinking I had all the time in the world to do all the things I wanted to do, but it was becoming more and more obvious that this wasn’t necessarily true. I resolved to say ‘yes’ to things that would bring me joy, and this included more travelling and generally having fun.
In 2017, Tony and I travelled to New Zealand and later that year I went to London to attend my niece’s wedding, which was lovely. I was so happy to be there, but it was weird returning after 43 years.
In 2019, when my daughter asked if I would go to New York with her for a holiday, I jumped at the chance. We went to see Hamilton on Broadway, we went on the Staten Island Ferry and to Coney Island. We ate hot dogs. It was all wonderful and I started thinking seriously about retirement.
You’ve probably gathered by now that I’ve always loved being in the workforce and have been fortunate to have jobs where I was able to make some kind of contribution. I liked the idea that I was doing something useful, but I also didn’t want to spend all my time writing reports that no-one would read when I had so many other things to do. (Reading, writing, travelling, eating!)
I went on long-service leave a week after we went into lockdown in March 2020 and retired later that year. I wrote about that decision here.
I was relieved to be at home during those dark days, and grateful I didn’t have to concentrate on anything too complicated but I was also quite bored, so I started this newsletter to entertain myself and make some new bookish friends.
And the rest, as they say, is history. Since then, I’ve published over a hundred issues of Book Chat and loved every minute. It’s been a pleasure to share my reading life (and recipes) with you all. Please check out the archive for more book recommendations.
What was I reading?
When I visited New Zealand I read American Wife by Curtis Sittenfeld. I didn’t know until many years later that the novel was loosely based on the life of Barbara Bush, I just knew I enjoyed it.
American Wife tells the story of Alice, a small town librarian who marries at 31 (considered late at the time). Her husband Charlie Blackwell unexpectedly becomes President after a close election in 2000. The novel explores Alice’s journey from a quiet ordinary life, to the complexities of being a high-profile public figure.
Another oddly appropriate book I read during this period was Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng. It’s the story of a family shattered by loss and grief, which sounds a bit grim, but is definitely worth reading.
In an interview with the author, Celeste Ng is asked how she approached writing about grief…
When you lose someone you love, especially suddenly, there’s immense regret and immense self-doubt. It’s impossible not to ask yourself questions: Could you have saved them in some way? Could you, by leaving five minutes later or arriving a day earlier or saying just the right words, have changed what happened? Inevitably, you reconsider and reassess the relationship you had with that person, and it can be hardest if that relationship was strained.
I also read When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithy, published posthumously after his death from cancer.
Dr Paul Kalanithy was a neurosurgeon and writer. He held degrees in English literature, human biology, history, and philosophy. He died from incurable lung cancer in 2015, aged 37 and this made me reflect on the passing of my own father when he was just 33. Sometimes death seems like a natural part of the cycle of life and sometimes it seems inexplicable.
His book is about him coming to terms with his own mortality as he examines what makes life worth living in the face of death. Again, this might sound like a difficult read, but it’s a beautiful life-affirming book I think everyone should read.
Do you have a ‘must read’ book?
What I’ve been eating - raw broccoli you say?
My lovely friend Megan came to see me and we cooked and chatted together for a whole afternoon and evening. I made a lemon and ricotta cake, and she made a broccoli, date and pistachio salad, which was absolutely delicious. I love cooked broccoli, but I only started eating it raw quite recently after my sister made broccoli tabbouleh which I mentioned in a previous issue. Raw broccoli is remarkably nice! The most important thing is to have a really good dressing.
Well friends, that’s it for this issue.
As usual, thanks for reading and being part of my world. It means a lot to me.
If you enjoy Book Chat, please press the ‘heart’ button so other readers and eaters can find us.
Until next time, keep reading and look after yourself.
Marg xx
It’s been interesting following your reading life as an observer. Of course I know your story, often as a participant, but this is a more personal take with books thrown in as a bonus. Xx
A great read into your private, working and reading life. Love these!